As some of you might know, I spent the 4th of July weekend at Anima Center in the amazing Gila Wilderness of New Mexico. This particular weekend was host to a gathering, an Earth Shaman Path Intensive experience and for me, more peeling of the layers of my being, re-discovery of my core. This was my second time in two months immersing myself in this wild,ancient, sacred, and giving place. ( I journeyed there in May for a personal retreat, and wrote about it here.) And it seems, each time I go I gain more insight and self knowledge into my own true nature. In a sense, I feel like Shrek. You know that part where he says, “Onions have layers” and Donkey says “Onions? what about parfait? Parfait has layers. Everybody likes parfait!” For me, I’m the onion. As uncomfortable and unpleasant as it might be at times, the further I dive into my self-work through Anima, the closer I get to the core, to knowing and understanding myself. I don’t want to be parfait….something that EVERYBODY likes. Why? Because then that means I’m trying to be everything to everybody except myself. For some, this may seem selfish..which during this weekend, I finally peeled this outer layer of myself away. I discovered the outer walls, the methods that I had integrated into myself since childhood as defense mechanisms, a way of protecting myself, a way of survival. And, I shed these layers, I cried streams of release. I felt deeply the pain, sadness and anger at realizing how long I’d allowed these illusions and old habits to create a barrier between truly experiencing and expressing myself in this world. As I embrace this discovery, I look forward to the shift that will emerge as I continue to release these old “isms” I’ve created and I bring my new found awareness into my waking daily life. For me, this unveiling was a true testament to the healing power of Anima. But, not only is Anima medicine, this particular weekend revealed to me a true sense of community. As 7 participants from diverse places in geography, self, and spirit gathered for the opportunity to re-wild and connect, a magical sphere of love was created. We cooked whole nourishing meals together while sharing our souls. We created a safe, loving, accepting, circle of truly sensate people where we could support, encourage, and receive each person as a part of ourselves and individually authentically individual all at once. Never in my life have I been so whole-ly received as a person by a group, a community. I look forward to the real and lasting relationships that will emerge as a result of this Shaman’s Path Weekend. As if the experience couldn’t go any further, it does. Just being in a wild, sustainable, inspirited place creates yet another relationship that cannot be overlooked. Each day, I woke to song of nature calling me back home in myself. The way this wild place opened itself to me and showed me its spirit was profound. It speaks in a way that cannot be denied or overlooked. I would wake to song birds every morning with the urge to hop out of bed and immerse myself as deeply as i could in hopes of not missing any single moment that might be presented to me. Hummingbird flew to the window behind me as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The hummingbird’s reflection in the mirror hovered perfectly next to my own reflection. Dragonflies presented deep understanding of the patterns in life on a path of purpose. The bugs hummed in harmony with the trickle of the river as a my own song bubbled to the surface. Mountain Lion prints in the sand at river’s edge reminded me of my own strength and power. Down river beneath the sacred cliffs of the Mogollon people I was drawn to an alder tree that had a cave-like presence. I layed down in it on the soft sand and absorbed the story of the land into my being. A prominent face appeared in the surface of the cliffs speaking to the oneness of self and nature’s spirit. As I explored my tree-cave I discovered bear claw marks on the trunk behind me. I ran my fingers over them and read every indentation, curve and bump left by the most meaningful,prominent,and powerful animal in my life. Looking upwards, the old alder beckoned me to climb its limbs and find a place to perch. High in the trees I swayed and laughed in joy. The perspective from high above was so amazing. I could see everything. I was safe, protected, and mischieveous all at the same time. i finally embraced the bear in me (this is a positive thing) instead of denying and second guessing its insistence to make itself acknowledged. Later, after watching the unfolding of one of the most amazing flowers I’ve ever encountered, the Sacred Datura, the darkness of the new moon night had one more performance to present. Traveling deep within myself to the rhythms of an ancient drum I received the visions and messages intended to open my core to the vibrations of my spriit. I was given the gift of love, encouragement, support, and knowledge I need to continue on my path to the heart. On my path of being whole so that I can re-emerge as my fullest expression for the greater good. Thank You Kiva Rose, Loba, Wolf, Rhiannon, and Anima for creating the opportunity in which to know myself, for YOUR love and Support and Wisdom. I can’t wait to see you all at Wild Foods in August and to bring together my families.
Kiva Rose took this picture of me on the last day at closing ceremony. It is the most authentic and true picture I have ever seen of myself. The experience this past weekend brought that out in me, and I am thankful Kiva Rose captured it for all time.
You can read more about this amazing Shaman Path Intensive weekend at the Anima blog here.
